7 Quick Ways to Calm Down
Anxiety zappers that can rescue you in a pinch
By Therese J. Borchard
I'm easily overwhelmed. When the pitch of my screaming kids reaches a decibel my ears can't tolerate, when Chuck E., the life-size rat at the pizza joint starts doing his jig while the flashing arcade lights blind me, or when I open my e-mail to find 100 messages--I feel a meltdown coming. Which is why I came up with seven quick ways to calm myself down.
These are what I use when I don't have time to call my mom and hear her tell me, "Everything is going to be fine." They keep me centered and grounded for as long as possible, and they keep my body as relaxed as it can be even during those days screaming kids and dancing life-size rats.
Anxiety zappers that can rescue you in a pinchBy Therese J. Borchard
I'm easily overwhelmed. When the pitch of my screaming kids reaches a decibel my ears can't tolerate, when Chuck E., the life-size rat at the pizza joint starts doing his jig while the flashing arcade lights blind me, or when I open my e-mail to find 100 messages--I feel a meltdown coming. Which is why I came up with seven quick ways to calm myself down.
These are what I use when I don't have time to call my mom and hear her tell me, "Everything is going to be fine." They keep me centered and grounded for as long as possible, and they keep my body as relaxed as it can be even during those days screaming kids and dancing life-size rats.
1. Walk Away
For example, leave your kids with your husband and walk out of Toys-R-Us before you throw Elmo and his whistling buddies across the store. Or if a conversation about global warming, consumerism, or the trash crisis in the US is overwhelming you, simply walk away from it. My great aunt, Gigi, mastered this point. She knew her triggers, and if a conversation or setting was anywhere near her trigger point, she simply put one foot in front of another, and went bye-bye.
For example, leave your kids with your husband and walk out of Toys-R-Us before you throw Elmo and his whistling buddies across the store. Or if a conversation about global warming, consumerism, or the trash crisis in the US is overwhelming you, simply walk away from it. My great aunt, Gigi, mastered this point. She knew her triggers, and if a conversation or setting was anywhere near her trigger point, she simply put one foot in front of another, and went bye-bye. 2. Close Your Eyes
Ever since my mom came down with blepharospasm (a neurological tick of the eyelid), I've become aware of how important shutting our eyes is to the nervous system. The only treatment available to those with blepharospasm is to have surgery to permanently lift your eyelids (so that you can't shut them at all (you need to moisten them with drops, etc.). Such a condition would be living hell for my mom, because by closing her eyes she regains her balance and proper focus.
The only time I recommend not using this technique is on the road (if you're driving). (My mom and I argue about that all the time.)
3. Take a Break
This can be challenging if you are at work, or at home with kids as creative and energetic as mine (I can't pee without someone getting whacked in my absence). But we all need breaks to let the nervous system regenerate.
I must have known this back in college, because three out of my four years, I opted for a tiny single room (a nun's closet, quite literally), rather than going than going in on a bigger room with a closet big enough to store my sweaters. Junior year, three of my good friends begged me to go in with them on a killer quad.
"Nope," I said to them. "Can't do it. Need my alone time, or else none of you would want to be around me. Trust me."
My senior year I went to the extent of pasting three pieces of black construction paper on my window above the door, so that no one could tell if I was there or not (by the light), in order to get the hours of solitude that I needed.
Be creative. Take your break. Any way you can. Even it involves black construction paper.
4. Go Outside
This is a true saver for me. I need to be outside for at least an hour every day to get my sanity fix. Granted, I'm extremely lucky to be able to do so as a stay-at-home mom. But I think I would somehow shove it into my schedule even if I had to commute into the city every day.
Even if I'm not walking or running or biking or swimming, being outside calms me in a way that only the right pharmaceuticals can. With an hour of nature, I go from being a very bossy, opinionated, angry, cynical, uptight person into a bossy, opinionated, cynical, relaxed person. And that makes the difference between having friends and a husband to have dinner with and a world that tells me to go eat a frozen dinner by myself because they don't want to catch whatever grumpy bug I have.
Ever since my mom came down with blepharospasm (a neurological tick of the eyelid), I've become aware of how important shutting our eyes is to the nervous system. The only treatment available to those with blepharospasm is to have surgery to permanently lift your eyelids (so that you can't shut them at all (you need to moisten them with drops, etc.). Such a condition would be living hell for my mom, because by closing her eyes she regains her balance and proper focus. The only time I recommend not using this technique is on the road (if you're driving). (My mom and I argue about that all the time.)
3. Take a Break
This can be challenging if you are at work, or at home with kids as creative and energetic as mine (I can't pee without someone getting whacked in my absence). But we all need breaks to let the nervous system regenerate. I must have known this back in college, because three out of my four years, I opted for a tiny single room (a nun's closet, quite literally), rather than going than going in on a bigger room with a closet big enough to store my sweaters. Junior year, three of my good friends begged me to go in with them on a killer quad.
"Nope," I said to them. "Can't do it. Need my alone time, or else none of you would want to be around me. Trust me."
My senior year I went to the extent of pasting three pieces of black construction paper on my window above the door, so that no one could tell if I was there or not (by the light), in order to get the hours of solitude that I needed.
Be creative. Take your break. Any way you can. Even it involves black construction paper.
4. Go Outside
This is a true saver for me. I need to be outside for at least an hour every day to get my sanity fix. Granted, I'm extremely lucky to be able to do so as a stay-at-home mom. But I think I would somehow shove it into my schedule even if I had to commute into the city every day. Even if I'm not walking or running or biking or swimming, being outside calms me in a way that only the right pharmaceuticals can. With an hour of nature, I go from being a very bossy, opinionated, angry, cynical, uptight person into a bossy, opinionated, cynical, relaxed person. And that makes the difference between having friends and a husband to have dinner with and a world that tells me to go eat a frozen dinner by myself because they don't want to catch whatever grumpy bug I have.
5. Find Some Water
While watching Disney's "Pocahontas" the other day with Katherine, I realized I must be part Native American. The sheer joy that woman shows upon paddling down the river, singing about how she is one with the water, makes me realize how universal the mood effect of water is, and especially to a sensitive person like me.
On the rainy or snowy days that I can't walk the double jogger over to Spa Creek or Back Creek, I do something the global-warming guys say not to, and take a long shower, imagining that I am in the middle of a beautiful Hawaiian rain forest.
"Water helps in many ways," writes Elaine Aron. "When overaroused, keep drinking it--a big glass of it once an hour. Walk beside some water, look at it, listen to it. Get into some if you can, for a bath or a swim. Hot tubs and hot springs are popular for good reasons."
While watching Disney's "Pocahontas" the other day with Katherine, I realized I must be part Native American. The sheer joy that woman shows upon paddling down the river, singing about how she is one with the water, makes me realize how universal the mood effect of water is, and especially to a sensitive person like me.On the rainy or snowy days that I can't walk the double jogger over to Spa Creek or Back Creek, I do something the global-warming guys say not to, and take a long shower, imagining that I am in the middle of a beautiful Hawaiian rain forest.
"Water helps in many ways," writes Elaine Aron. "When overaroused, keep drinking it--a big glass of it once an hour. Walk beside some water, look at it, listen to it. Get into some if you can, for a bath or a swim. Hot tubs and hot springs are popular for good reasons."
6. Breathe Deeply
Breathing is the foundation of sanity because it is the way we provide our brain and every other vital organ in our body with the oxygen needed for us to survive. Breathing also eliminates toxins from our systems.
In the psych ward, I learned the "Four Square" method of breathing:
1. Breathe in slowly to a count of four.
2. Hold the breath for a count of four.
3. Exhale slowly through pursued lips to a count of four.
4. Rest for a count of four (without taking any breaths).
5. Take two normal breaths.
6. Start over again with number one.
Breathing is the foundation of sanity because it is the way we provide our brain and every other vital organ in our body with the oxygen needed for us to survive. Breathing also eliminates toxins from our systems. In the psych ward, I learned the "Four Square" method of breathing:
1. Breathe in slowly to a count of four.
2. Hold the breath for a count of four.
3. Exhale slowly through pursued lips to a count of four.
4. Rest for a count of four (without taking any breaths).
5. Take two normal breaths.
6. Start over again with number one.
7. Listen to Music
During the worst months of my depression, I blared the soundtrack of "The Phantom of the Opera." Pretending to be the phantom with a cape and a mask, I twirled around our living room, swinging David and Katherine in my arms. I belted out every word of "The Music of the Night," which I had learned to play on the piano for my stepdad as his birthday present one year (It is one of his favorites, too).
"Softly, deftly, music shall caress you, Feel it, hear it, secretly possess you...."
The gorgeous song--like all good music--could stroke that tender place within me that words couldn't get to.
During the worst months of my depression, I blared the soundtrack of "The Phantom of the Opera." Pretending to be the phantom with a cape and a mask, I twirled around our living room, swinging David and Katherine in my arms. I belted out every word of "The Music of the Night," which I had learned to play on the piano for my stepdad as his birthday present one year (It is one of his favorites, too). "Softly, deftly, music shall caress you, Feel it, hear it, secretly possess you...."
The gorgeous song--like all good music--could stroke that tender place within me that words couldn't get to.
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